At a basic level, the Weil conjectures say that the behavior of the number of points of a variety over a finite field with coordinates in varying finite fields cannot be too complicated. More precisely, the Weil conjectures assert the rationality of the zeta function of such a variety, along with a functional equation and tight control over the roots of the numerators and denominator of the zeta function. I will show that the first two parts of the Weil conjectures (rationality + functional equation) follow easily from the existence of a "baby Weil cohomology theory," a precise definition of which will be given in the talk.